Hitchcock Quotes 

Hitchcock was well known for having a very dry sense of humor, and at times he was even a bit risque. This however has made him perhaps the most quotable filmmakers to ever grace the industry.  Below is a collection of some his best nuggets of wisdom and humor.

- Ingrid Bergman once questioned her character's motivation by telling Hitchcock, "I don't feel like that, I don't think like that.  I can't give you that kind of emotion."  Hitch replied with a simple, "Ingrid.  Fake it."

- When an actress asked Hitchcock if her right or left profile was better, he told her, "My dear, you're sitting on your best profile."

- "Actors are cattle." is a quote attributed to Hitchcock.   Hitch later clarified his quote by saying, "There is a dreadful story that I hate actors. Imagine anyone hating Jimmy Stewart... or Jack Warner. I can't imagine how such a rumor began. Of course it may possibly be because I was once quoted as saying that actors are cattle. My actor friends know I would never be capable of such a thoughtless, rude and unfeeling remark, that I would never call them cattle... What I probably said was that actors should be treated like cattle."

- After the release of "Psycho", Hitchcock received an angry letter from the father of a girl who refused to have a bath after seeing Les Diaboliques  and now refused to shower after seeing Psycho. Hitchcock sent a note back simply saying "Send her to the dry cleaners".

- On the beginning of his long string of cameo appearances: "One of the earliest of these was in 'The Lodger', the story of Jack the Ripper. My appearance called for me to walk up the stairs of the rooming house. Since my walk-ons in subsequent pictures would be equally strenuous - boarding buses, playing chess, etc. - I asked for a stunt man. Casting, with an unusual lack of perception, hired this fat man!"

- "Television has brought murder back into the home - where it belongs."

- "The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."

- "There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it."

- "To me Psycho was a big comedy. Had to be."

- "Even my failures make money and become classics a year after I make them."

- "Always make the audience suffer as much as possible."

- "When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, 'It's in the script.' If he says, 'But what's my motivation?, ' I say, 'Your salary.'"

- "Drama is life with the dull bits left out."

- His acceptance speech for the American Film Institute's Lifetime Achievement Award: "I beg permission to mention by name only four people who have given me the most affection, appreciation, and encouragement, and constant collaboration. The first of the four is a film editor, the second is a scriptwriter, the third is the mother of my daughter Pat, and the fourth is as fine a cook as ever performed miracles in a domestic kitchen. And their names are Alma Reville."

- Hitch on Italian suspense director Dario Argento: "This young Italian guy is starting to worry me."

- "Some films are slices of life, mine are slices of cake."

- "I enjoy playing the audience like a piano."

- "I was an uncommonly unattractive young man."

- "It's only a movie, and, after all, we're all grossly overpaid."

- "There is nothing quite so good as a burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating."

- "Man does not live by murder alone. He needs affection, approval, encouragement and, occasionally, a hearty meal."

- On directing Charles Laughton: "You can't direct a Laughton picture. The best you can hope for is to referee."

- "The paperback is very interesting but I find it will never replace the hardcover book -- it makes a very poor doorstop."

- "Film your murders like love scenes, and film your love scenes like murders."

- "I am a typed director. If I made 'Cinderella,' the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach."

- "If it's a good movie, the sound could go off and the audience would still have a perfectly clear idea of what was going on."

- "A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it."

- "In feature films the director is God; in documentary films God is the director."

- "I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the manmade sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig."

- "Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it."

- "Blondes make the best victims. They're like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints."

- "Dialogue should simply be a sound among other sounds, just something that comes out of the mouths of people whose eyes tell the story in visual terms."

- "Disney has the best casting. If he doesn't like an actor he just tears him up."

- "I'm frightened of eggs, worse than frightened, they revolt me. That white round thing without any holes have you ever seen anything more revolting than an egg yolk breaking and spilling its yellow liquid? Blood is jolly, red. But egg yolk is yellow, revolting. I've never tasted it."

- "Self-plagiarism is style."

- "Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up everytime."